Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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