her facebook's as public as her vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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