Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
