YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize