so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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