I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
