Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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