Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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