i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
