I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
