new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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