Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
