Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so let's talk penis.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
