How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
