Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize