i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
