i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
