Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
