Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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