y did u give ur computer a hand job?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
