I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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