i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
