I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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