a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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