she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
