he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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