Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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