im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize