In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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