I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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