You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize