I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
