I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i have two assholes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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