Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
