no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize