We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
