I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
