I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize