Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Are we still banned from the library?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
