Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no you cant smoke seaweed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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