Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
