Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Be still, my beating vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
