My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
