I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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