you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
