I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
