Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
