I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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