Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
