I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
