I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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