Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
