Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
