Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
