you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
