yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
