Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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