I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
