We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He better not be in your backpack
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
