whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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