um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You've changed since you got that strap on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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