It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize