just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
