Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
