what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
