thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize