about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
