when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
