I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
