Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
