I wannas sexs uuuuu
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
