I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
