My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
