where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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