Someone shit on the floor
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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