Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
