btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
