How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
