well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Of course I have a pirate flag
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
