i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
