I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will be naked everywhere
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
