it hurts more in the daytime
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
