I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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