I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
