shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
