and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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