sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
