Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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