You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
