Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
