WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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